Personal stories

My partner "soul mate" I lost to suicide in March 2014. It was the worst thing ever, I never dreamed it would affect me any more or any different then a normal death as I've lost other loved ones to illness etc. but to die by suicide it's a different kind. God only knows the hurt, guilt, questions, etc. that never leaves you and is with you daily. Sometimes I wonder how I've got this far in my life after my partners death it amazes me most days I just wish I was there that day to pick up the telephone instead of being stuck in traffic. The pain don't get any easier and who ever said it does has never lost a love one this way it eats away at you daily. I know he is with me every step I take but it doesn't make it any easier to live with! I know I will never return to the girl I was before that day I'm stuck in the same place I was the day it happened or I learned of what he had done I never see my self moving forward. I feel I was robbed of my life happiness! But I want to make it clear the ones that take there lives are not selfish ,weak  ,cowards etc quite the opposite really because I couldn't do what some of these poor lost souls do although there's days I wished I was with him but think of my children living this nightmare I live on a daily basis my thoughts and heart goes out to every one who is living the aftermath of a suicide or the person who has took there life ! Who for me must of been in some dark  very lonely plaice with the demons playing with ther mind and thinking this was ther only option to stop it wat ever ther hurt or feelings of guilt of hurting others or the suffering ! But like most people I was blind to how bad it truly affects people on both sides of suicide before my partner yes I did feel sad of people taking there life's but carried on with day to day stuff but now I lived the worst nightmare ever and could never judge or turn my head again as its in my heart part of my life story a very sad part which I'm not embarrassed or ashamed by but the opp really and want to raise awareness and get this out ther and help for any one on both sides of suicide !! I miss my angel dearly and know I would never love another like him and by no means ready to move on !!so RIP my angel Micky cook 28/4/73 -22/3/2014 gone but defently not forgotten for Eva in my broken heart !!